Survival of the Fittest

Issue 5's Contestants:

Jackie "The Sky's The Limit" Joyner-Kersee

Tonya "Beat the Competition" Harding

Dubbed by many as the greatest athlete in the world, Jackie is a powerhouse track and field star. She has won six Olympic medals as well as the 1986 Sullivan Award for Best American Amateur athlete and the 1988 Sporting News' Man of the Year Award. Plus, she created the JKK Foundation to develop young leaders in the inner city and is also the Spokeswoman for SuperChallenge, which supports the Boys' and Girls' Club. As if that wasn't enough, who else looks that great in a spandex bikini?
The violent Tonya is also quite profficient in her field of expertise, having won the 1991 and 1994 U.S. National Championship in figure skating. But, she let her jealousy get in the way and got some bum to club her opponent in the knees. As a result, she is forever ostracized from the figure skating community. What a waste....

Motherly Advice: Real-Life Mothers' Sayings

A tribute to our moms in all their wisdom

"Good things come in small packages, dear. Consider yourself lucky to be short. Short girls can go out with any boy they want. The tall ones can only get the tall boys."

This is how your body burns calories into oblivion!

This is your body
burning calories.

Inane Diet of the Month: The "Burn So Many Calories That My Body Will Have To Burn Body Organs to Survive" Diet

The Negative Calorie Diet bases itself on the premise that your body burns so many calories digesting food that if you eat REALLY low-calorie foods you will lost weight. (By the way, it was written with YOU in mind!)
This diet is INANE because (duh!) how are you supposed to function without any calories in your gut?

Source: The Negative Calorie Diet Homepage

According to the National Science Foundation, 50 million women are using the Interent, BUT the percentage of YOUNG women on the Internet is decreasing by 50%, so keep logging on, Chickies!

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same...

From Miss Manners' Guide To Excruciatingly Correct Behavior, 1982(!?!?):

In response to a reader who "was a rather a, uh, sexually free young lady, starting at fourteen":"Welcome to the world of propriety. We have more fun here than you may have been led to believe, just as promiscuity, as you have discovered, offers less fun than you may have been led to believe. Like fast food, it tends to be of poor quality and may leave you with worse problems than the hunger it was intended to quell...No getting personal. No hugging and kissing. No come-over-to-my-place. In the proper world, romance is supposed to develop out of friendship. A gentleman and a lady both pretend that they are cultivating each other for common interests, shared humor, or whatever-and they both act surprised when passion strikes them like lightning."

From Everyone's Favourite Spy for the Patriarchy, Seventeen, June 1993:

"...emotions can get carried away, and you may say and make all the resolutions not to have sex, but later it becomes a different story. In society, it's hard to tell what is right and what is wrong. All the 'in between' needs to be addressed because it's what leads to sex."
Forget the dates in this one...what ever happened to love at first sight, or more realistically, plain old physical attraction. I am not advocating random promiscuity, but listening to your hormones, once in a while (cautiously), can spice up your life.

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