She is old, eighty four perhaps, but no one knows her real age because she claims to be sixteen. I look at her white hair and her wrinkled face and I wonder, why did she come? My grandmother never gets out of the house anymore. Why did she come for this?

My grandmother lives alone in the isolated mountains of upstate New York. She's been living the past four years of her life with a dog that she says is "food obsessive" but is seriously underfed and not given enough attention. Her husband died four years ago, she hasn't gotten over the grief. She doesn't get out much either: An outing to the grocery store is a thrilling experience for her.

I can understand her position. She is lonely. She is stuck in her ways and not willing to change. She is silly and scared of everyday things that she'll ultimately have to deal with. But what really bothers me about her is how much she complains.

"It's so hard to see you,"she says. My brother suggests three or four travel options that she can easily afford.

"I can't," she replies. "I'm too old and it's too hard to make that journey alone." I'm surpised she doesn't add "And because I'm just a woman."

Sometimes, it makes me angry, how foolish she is. She isn't willing to change things, but she complains endlessly. We try to help her. My mother has tried to get her to move to some places- into town, or into Philadelphia or perhaps near us. Sometimes I feel like a nursing home is the only option.

I told my mother my feelings about this and she turned to me and said, "If I ever become that difficult, put me in a home."

It scares me too: what if she falls? Or what if she chokes? No one will find her for a week or so. Maybe she'll break her leg again and she won't get up and die of starvation. It scares me. She doesn't live close to anyone or anything. How is she going to get help?

"That's amazing, Emily," she said as I typed on the computer. I felt her eyes on my back. I knew she was looking at what I was typing. It's funny, I never thought about living without a computer after I got one, but my grandmother couldn't turn one on. She can't even use a VCR!

She's very old-fashioned. She believes that the 1950's where so much better than the '90's. My mother disagrees with her on this: "We were poor, Ma!"

Despite everything, my grandmother has taught me several lessons that I will always remember:
1. Do NOT become dependent on someone else. Just like a person with a cane, one day that cane might break.
2. Do things for yourself.
3. Being a woman doesn't mean you can't do things alone.